Responding to Life's Challenges-"Criticism"

Criticism- expressed and unexpressed, specific and vague, valid and invalid- is a fact, that can turn people against each other and destroy relationships. It can bring civil war to a loving community.
But criticism can be healthy. Criticism can be the surgeon's knife that cuts away a cancer in our life and makes way for wholeness again. We need to learn how to give this kind of criticism and how to take it. Here let us see some rules which can be applied by anybody receiving negative criticism.

Rule 1: Pray: Ask the Lord to guide you in responding to the criticism-sensitive to hear what should be heard, strong to turn aside that which should not be entertained, able to control your temper and anger.

Rule 2: Beware of Becoming Defensive. The natural reaction is to fight back with defensive tactics, explanations, excuses. Anxiety peaks sharply when negative criticism hits home. It is as if a tightly-coiled spring deep inside is cocked to snap back in self-defense.

Rule 3: Let the Critic Finish. Don't interrupt him. Self-defensive interruptions can choke off his message and deny you his whole story. When he appears to be through, encourage him to go on, in an effort to flush out any residue of criticism. Ask, "Is that all?" If he continues and comes to another stop, you might inquire, "Is there anything else?" Indicate sincerely that you desire to hear everything on his mind concerning your shortcomings or whatever he feels critical about.

Rule 4: Ask for Evidence upon which the Criticism is Based. You may discover the evidence is valid; on the other hand it may be rumor or hearsay.
If the critic's evidence is adequate and his conclusions valid, then he has done you a favor by providing guidance for making corrections. He may have called your attention to a weakness that you knew nothing about, to a mistake which you did not realise had occured, to oversights of which you were not conscious, to flaws which you had not noticed. "Why didn't somebody tell me," we often say. The negative critic may be endeavoring to do just that: tell us!
God may be using him. It may be that God has been trying a long time to arrest our attention. The negative critic may be God's last resort to flag us down and give us a chance to change our ways.
On the other hand if the critic's evidence is insufficient or the conclusions invalid, you have an opportunity to call his attention to the inadequacy of the criticism. But he may not listen to you, in which case ask the Lord to give you a tender heart, an open mind a strong will- and a thick skin.

Maybe They're Right
Rule 5: Ask Questions of Yourself. "What is the Lord trying to do to/in/through me via this criticism? Did He know in advance that I would be receiving this? If so, why did He let the attack come? He must have had some reason. What might it be?"
Perhaps your attitudes need changing. If so, can this criticism help you to see what those attitudes are and stimulate change? Perhaps you are too proud or self-centred. Or possibly you are overlooking information which you need to observe and only the jolt of negative criticism will draw your attention to the right focus.(To be continued- next week)

Be Encouraged,
A.Othniel.

**************************Letter # 44 (11.11.2001)**********************