Responding to Life's Challenges-"Criticism" (Part 3)

(Part 1, Part 2) We have seen that Criticism can be healthy. But we need to learn how to give this kind of criticism and how to take it. In the last two letters, we talked about how to respond to negative criticism. Now let us see some

Rules to help you toward a more Constructive Negative Criticism

Dishing it out
Rule 1: Pray." Lord, please control and direct my expression of negative criticism. Restrain me from over-correcting and resorting to flattery. Restrain me from clamming up and remaining silent when I should speak. Guide my utterance so that criticial communication will be contructive; and please prevent my sowing discord among my brethren."

Rule 2: Go Directly. Go directly to the person criticized. (Mat. 18:15). This holds true for all- both superiors and subordinates, irrespective of people's position or status in society.

Rule 3: Go Privately. Deliver the criticism in the private. It is between you and him alone (Mat. 18:15). Criticising a person in the presence of others prior to discussing it privately is not only rude but a violation of the characteristic of love, which is patient and kind (1Cor. 13:4). If he fails to respond, then inform him that the criticism will be shared with a third person- possibly his supervisor or relative, etc- who, with you, will attempt to help him understand. (Mat.18:16).

It takes courage to criticise a person directly and privately. The easy way is to criticise behind his back. If you can not deliver the criticism directly, you can use an intermediary to convey the criticism, which is better than suppressing or gossipping.

Sometimes it is necessary to go private in writing. If a man is deaf to your spoken criticism, write him a letter clearly articulating your criticism, complaints, and grievances, and insist that he give you time to discuss them with him. This can enable you to transform destructive negative criticism into constructive criticism.

Just the Facts.
Rule 4: Lead with Positive Questions. An effective procedure is to ask sincere questions of the person being criticised, so that critic gets sufficient evidence to base his criticism, the one being criticised can explain his position and whether he has considered alternatives. The questions must be positive; it is possible to use negative or loaded questions which produce negative results.

Rule 5: Doublecheck Motives. Ask yourself: Why am I expressing negative criticism? Has my ego been hurt and I want to embarass somebody? Is the motive retaliation or a desire to advance my status? Or is my concern truly to help the person and strengthen our relationship?
Honesty here may force you to cancel all plans for criticism. Be careful how you manage to pass the test! (To be Contd next week)

Be Encouraged,
A.Othniel.

**************************Letter # 46 (25.11.2001)**********************